Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

(Excerpt from the poem “Being Boring”, by Wendy Cope)

THIS time last year, I had just ordered a McDonald’s (chicken nuggets, chips, and ketchup, to be precise), because I had found out a couple of hours before that my then partner had cheated on me, and it seemed like a very London thing to do to eat my feelings, via Deliveroo, at midnight.

An email had arrived from exotic lands, telling me of a relationship, with photographs attached, should I wish to view them. It was quite a shock.

That evening was a catalyst for a lot of change; giving notice on a flat we rented together, leaving an unhappy job and moving back to Jersey to take up an infinitely nicer job in the charity sector.

As it’s my chicken nuggets anniversary, as it were, I thought I could reflect on what a difference a year makes, and not just in terms of fast food. So here are a few musings on the past 12 months.

Relationships

It occurred to me that my former boyfriend had done us a huge favour by being with someone else. In truth, I had started to fall out of love with him a few months before after what had supposed to have been a wonderful short break.

When in Rome (as we had been), do as the Romans do…but don’t tell your girlfriend, on her birthday that she “needs to get sexy and healthy” (his words, not mine) and then go to sleep.

Do buy your girlfriend a card, rather than scribbling something on the hotel note pad in lieu of spending £3 on something in Paperchase or similar (does anyone else really miss Paperchase? I do).

Maybe also offer to pay for the plane journey, rather than say: “I didn’t think you would get the BA points if I paid.” It’s always nice to equate the value of your relationship to the cost of a return flight in the Club Europe cabin.

The Apps

Are you on any dating apps, I hear you ask. No, I’m not. I got tired of Tinder, and a woman who is tired of Tinder must delete the largest matching app of them all and go cold turkey.

Dating in Jersey is very different to dating in London, the main difference being, I haven’t been on any dates, because it’s a small place, and I’ve started to believe they are what happens to other people, like winning the lottery, or going running.

I’m also a complete coward about sending the first message; I just can’t do it. I imagine that this is the equivalent of a woman staring out from behind her fan (complete with eye holes) in the 19th century, but with a greater need to rely on mind-reading. I also read that you used to be able to make a number of signals whilst keeping cool, so I must try that out when I’m next in Waitrose.

Here, I also heed a bit of advice from my sister: “If someone likes you, they should want to be seen out in public with you and they can ask you out.” Good point.

That hasn’t happened for longer than I care to admit. Perhaps it’s the end of an era!

I’m not saying I haven’t met men in real life, but there haven’t been many, and of those, one asked me if I would do his cleaning if he paid me (!!!), and seemed surprised when I said no. This was after I had cooked us dinner. I’m surprised he didn’t hand me a nice packet of dusters on the assumption I would say yes, and ask me to start in the kitchen, as it were.

Good things

But there haven’t been so many good things about this year; a very enjoyable job for the first time in too long, seeing friends and family who I had not seen enough of whilst in London, swimming in the sea, going to Brazil (not a euphemism…) to do yoga and ride a bike on the beach, thinking about rescue cats and dogs to cuddle and speak to in silly voices, finding the courage to go to the Normans Timber Yard in Jersey toute seule, playing the piano, walking to the burger kiosk for tea and a sausage roll in the evening (also not a euphemism).

How typical that this post starts and ends with fast food. It may not last long, but if it makes you happy for a short time, it’s probably worth enjoying.

Still hopeful, still here!

See you at The Kiosk, with my dusters.

Until next time x.